I Feel Like I Should Be Doing Something

My grandpa is dying and I feel like I should be doing something, but I don't know what to do.

I can't motivate myself to do anything constructive in the house. I want to go to the hospital and at the same time I don't want to go to the hospital. Mom says he looks terrible and wouldn't even know I was there if I went but I feel a sense of obligation to go. I'm just not sure I can handle it emotionally if I go. I'm the type of person who likes to keep a handle on my emotions. I don't let them show very often. I don't think I could do that if I went up there.

The doctors say he probably won't last until Monday. We're starting to think about funeral arrangements. I need to buy The Pleaser some new dress shoes to wear to the service but I don't really want to tell him why. He knows that his "Peepaw" is very ill and will die soon but I don't want to dwell on it until I have to. He is a very sensitive, kind-hearted kid. This will be very hard on him.

Waiting for the inevitable is so hard. We've known this day would come for at least 2 years, maybe longer. We've expected it to come several times in just the last year alone but he always bounced back. He's a tough guy and a fighter, even though he is soft spoken, small and, now, frail man.

So I just continue to wait...